BUILDING YOUR RESILIENCE IS A LIFE-LONG SKILL AND IS WORTHY OF YOUR ATTENTION. BUT HOW DO YOU ACTUALLY BUILD RESILIENCE? IN THIS POST, WE’LL TALK ABOUT SPECIFIC WAYS YOU CAN BECOME MORE RESILIENT THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFETIME, SO THAT WHEN HARD TIMES COME, YOU’RE MORE PREPARED TO WEATHER THE STORM.
“Bounce back.”
“Fall down seven times, get up eight.”
“Roll with the punches.”
“It ain’t over ’til it’s over.”
I hear phrases like these all the time. Don’t you? They suggest that after a hardship, the best response is to keep going and try again. As the mythical Phoenix does in folklore, people want to rise from the ashes after experiencing some sort of death, such as a season of suffering, a loss, an illness, or any other number of trials.
No matter the trying circumstance, people long to know that there is hope–that they are capable of moving beyond their long suffering into a life of joy.
There is a word that describes a person who can get back up after being knocked down. That term is Resilient.
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Where Do We See Resilience in the Bible?
When I think of women in the Bible who have exemplified resilience, Hannah comes to mind first.
You might be familiar with the story. Hannah was a wife deeply loved by her husband, but she couldn’t have children. Her husband had another wife as well, a woman who had several children and often threw that fact in Hannah’s face.
The Bible says this goes on year after year.
Can you imagine the hurt, the embarrassment, the shame? To long for something so deeply, and then to experience ridicule by someone blessed with whatever you lack? Not only once, but year after year.
Some of us have experienced infertility. But even if you haven’t, you likely have another hardship in your life that hurts deeply. And we know this experience hurt Hannah deeply because we see her behavior that follows. She weeps bitterly. She even loses her appetite. Have you gone through a season of pain so deep that you couldn’t eat and couldn’t keep from weeping bitterly?
Her pain is real. And the season is long. No matter what she does, she is physically helpless to change her situation. She cannot force her womb to welcome a child within its depths, and it is breaking her heart.
What Does It Really Mean to Build Resilience?
There are several scriptures that talk about the Refiner’s Fire. For example, Isaiah 48:10 says, “Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.”
The idea here is that our suffering, our affliction, can be used to refine us, to turn us into something stronger. Resiliency literally means for something to return to its normal shape after being twisted and stretched. But a loving God takes us a step further than that–if we let Him. Not only do we return to our normal shape after struggles have twisted us and stretched us, nearly breaking us. No. He moves us to the next step. He changes us into something stronger. We may look the same, but deep inside, our hearts have been refined by fire.
What’s the point of being refined by fire? Why would we want to build resilience if it means going through awful circumstances that break our hearts?
I think the answer can be found in other scriptures on the topic.
In Malachi 3:3, He is said to refine the sons of Levi, and then they “will bring offerings in righteousness to the Lord.”
In 1 Peter 5:10, He promises to come, to “restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish” us after we have experienced suffering.
And lastly, in Psalm 66:12, we realize that God tests us in order to bring “us out to a place of abundance.”
Suffering creates change in a person. I believe that’s inevitable. But with God’s help, and with a set of skills that equip us to cope with the suffering, we can be brought to a place of abundance. We can build resilience.
A Guide For How To Build Resilience
Hannah’s long suffering produced in her a strong faith. Yes, eventually God did bless her with a child as well (a few, in fact!). But even if she hadn’t received the thing she longed for, her heartbreaking season of pain strengthened her trust in God and His goodness.
Coping Strategies that Build Resilience
No one enjoys building resilience, at least not initially, because to build resilience, you have to endure hard times that are truly painful.
However, there are healthy ways to help yourself cope with your struggles while on your way to building that resilient shield around you.
Some coping strategies include…
- Prayer
- Long, deep breathing techniques
- Acknowledging your hurt
- Talking about it with a trusted friend
- Journaling your thoughts
- Staying connected with those who support you
- Taking care of yourself
Blessings We Receive When We Are Resilient
When we build resilience and are brought into that place of abundance, we receive many blessings that enrich our lives in ways we maybe couldn’t have imagined before. Below is just a small list of blessings we receive, according to the Bible.
- We’ll be restored, confirmed, strengthened, and established. (1 Peter 5:10)
- Our offerings to God will be more righteous. (Malachi 3:2-3)
- Negative aspects of our heart will be be removed. (Isaiah 1:25)
- We’ll better understand Christ’s suffering and so rejoice even more when his glory is revealed. (1 Peter 4:12-13)
- We will bear more fruit. (John 15:1-5)
- We’ll receive wisdom. (Daniel 12:10) (Romans 12:2)
- We’ll receive the crown of life. (James 1:12)
- We’ll be zealous for good works. (Titus 2:14)
- Our suffering will produce endurance, character, and hope. (Romans 5:3-4)
- Your relationship with God will be strengthened. (Zechariah 13:8-9)
Other Benefits of Building Resilience
There are other benefits of building resilience too! Check them out below.
- You become more flexible.
- It can protect against anxiety.
- You can become more emotionally stable.
- It can build your empathy and compassion for others.
- You’ll develop the vocabulary to help others more effectively.
- Your outlook can become more positive.
- More often, problems will feel more manageable than before.
Common Questions About How to Build Resilience
You may still have questions about how to build resilience into your life. And rightly so–it’s a big topic with so many facets. That’s probably why we continue to learn about it and become more resilient over time. Here are a few common questions about how to build resilience, and perhaps they will shed some light on the subject for you.
Can Resiliency Be Taught?
Sure. But it is taught less through words by a friend and more through experience. Learning about resilience is extremely helpful, and may give you a great sense of understanding and some level of peace when the time comes to use it. But it’s really in the practicing that you’ll truly learn resilience.
How Do I Know If I’m Resilient
One way to know if you’re resilient is to measure your efforts against a standard. What does resilience look like, and do you see it in your own life?
For example…
- Are you self aware?
- Are you confident in yourself?
- Can you offer yourself grace for your mistakes?
- Do you see your mistakes as opportunities to improve or as criticism against your character?
- Do you hold yourself accountable?
We all have varying degrees of these qualities, and no one is perfect. But asking yourself a few heart-questions like these can help you understand where you are in terms of resiliency.
The Last Thing You Need to Know About How to Build Resilience
The last important thing I want to say about building resilience is that you must offer yourself grace as you are learning it.
Why? Because resilience isn’t built overnight. It’s a process, and sometimes it’s a long one. You can’t beat yourself up when you have weak moments and resilience feels like such a far reach.
I read recently a phrase that has really helped me. It said of your past, “You did the best you knew how to do to survive.” And isn’t that true? You are a good-hearted, well-intentioned person, and you did your best with what you coping skills you had. Now, as you learn more, it’s time to offer yourself that grace, evaluate the effectiveness of the coping skills you’ve used, and head into the future newly informed. The things you are learning today about resiliency will set the foundations for the things you were learn tomorrow.
Love and grace to you,
Janette
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